Monday, May 18, 2009


In an odd way, being home again is proving to be just as unique of an experience as moving to Bowling Green. I had taken plenty of college classes before, so there wasn't really anything new for me in that aspect. I had gone to visit all my older siblings while they were in their dorms and apartments in college, so I had a glimpse of what 'live away from home' experience was all about. What I have never experienced, other than coming back from camp or Alive, was what it would be like to come home after and extended period of time.

All of my tasks and priorities which perpetually drove my life forward while at BG are completely nonexistent here at home. There are no meetings, no classes, no papers, no projects, and no ridiculous assignments due. My phone's calendar literally has "No upcoming appointments." I've not seen that in nine months. My concept of irony is certainly not being over sensitive when I claim that the most challenging thing about being at home is finding motivation in an environment which lacks challenges. Today I'm going to mow the law, not because I have to but because I have nothing else I have to do, and maybe fix the tire on my car, not because I have to but I am simply tired of "not fixing" it.

A big part of my life at Bowling Green has been the community there, something I am proud of. I'm not an extrovert by any measuring scale, nonetheless I became intentional about being relational (extra point for using Cru words). This outward focus has unfortunately morphed into text messages and wall posts because of the distance between my lovely community and myself. A change which I am exceeding and increasingly unhappy with.

Of course the summer will have its legitimate challenges. I will be taking classes from University of Findlay, classes which I am well aware will be dominating my time and attention because of their intensity. However, I am not content with these classes being the sum and total of my summer. Although not from any of my teachers or instructors, I found inspiration and motivation in BG. Now I'm looking for a way to keep it from going to waste.

This is not a blog created to search for complements or motivation from people. The point is, that I am separated from the tasks which drive me to be motivated, the environment which distracts me and thus causes my attention to sharpen, and the people who make being motivated worth it. By this point you may notice the apparent lack of God in this blog. Although I do not deny, God has been involved in virtually every aspect of my struggles and triumphs in BG, more so than at any point previously in my life. I seek to distance myself from the ironic-ly surface-y use of "God" as the answer to all of these questions. I would then be forced to concluded that there was no betterment of myself in my time spent in BG, simply that God did everything for me. Certainly God is paramount in my life goals, but I find no satisfaction in God completing these goals for me and, I believe, neither does He. Although His help is oft asked for and finally under appreciated.